I’m here! I made it through yesterday. I had to keep looking to the Jesus Calling passage to keep me focused. It’s in the bed with me.
I keep asking myself why I continue to put it down. It seems whenever I put it down, not too long after, things start going crazy in my life. I feel lost. This time, I want to make the excuse that regardless, what I experienced with moving and feeling depressed, would’ve happened whether I was still reading it or not.
Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows at this point.
I was brought up going to church every Sunday. Bible school on Saturday. Learning all of the IMPORTANT verses.
I haven’t been to church in years. I mean a really, really, really long time. Since early 2000’s.
I have found that I take issue with organized religion. I take issue with the reason why I, my mother, my grandparents, my great grandparents, etc. believe what they do. I take issue with religious people who judge others. I take issue with ministers with their “Holier than Thou” attitudes and turn around and get busted for child porn, or molestation, or living a lifestyle most of their “sheep” aren’t financially able to, yet throw their cars, clothes and houses in their faces, and then ask for mo’ money, mo’ money, mo’ money.
Don’t get me wrong. I believe in a higher power. I believe that this planet and the others are here for a reason. They didn’t just happen by accident. When I think about life, and how a life is born and how organs and cells and everything all serve a purpose and all work together and without the proper function of one, the others tend to fail, I know that’s not just some freak accident.
I don’t struggle with my faith, or my purpose, or the fact that what I put out into the Universe, will surely come back to me. So when I read “the word” I understand it for the intended lesson. But I don’t take each and every word at face value. People have used that same “word” to justify some of the world’s greatest injustices.
I take the good within and between those words. I take whatever creates a person in me who is empathetic to others and treats others with respect and dignity. I take whatever helps me sleep peacefully at night and allows me to awake with the expectation of only great things on the horizon.
So why do I ever put it down? It’s one of life’s greatest mysteries…along with why I can’t seem to be in a functioning relationship with anyone.
And that’s all I wish to say about that.
justanilltowngirl 